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Me...Take Two

March 8, 2015

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January 22, 2019

I want to be a writer. I want to create all day. I want to extricate myself from the minutia of suburban drudgery so I can live in a rustic mountain cabin, surrounded by natural beauty and beasts, subject to the whims of swirling winds and the gradual, graceful erosion of time. I want to know what it’s like to breathe in the purest air and sip from stone-...

March 2, 2018

 Jim Merkl and a really old rock

Earlier this week, I met Jim at Brink, a College Hill microbrewery close to where he and his wife Julie live. Not even a beer into the night, Jim reached into his shirt pocket and told me he was reveling in a new sense of immortality. Where was he going with this?

“Immortality?” I repeated back as I took a sip of my amb...

February 9, 2018

I want to share a video with you. A video of a marvelous little machine that has been cranking along for the past five-plus decades. This is a video of my heart.

What you’re viewing is a partial recording from an angiogram I had this week. I’m waving all HIPAA privacy protections to share this bit of magic with you for a very good reason. I want to ask you...

December 8, 2017

Recently, I read a story in The Atlantic about the origins of some of contemporary music’s most popular songs. In Hit Charade, Nathanial Rich reveals how five obscure Scandinavian men are largely responsible for the current string of hits by such artists as Taylor Swift, David Guetta, Fifth Harmony, The Weeknd, and Nicki Minaj. Songs like “Bad Blood,” “He...

November 6, 2017

Another day in America, another massacre. 

Not a fan of background checks? Feeling good about the success of all those good guys with guns taking care of bad guys with guns? Still insist on a well regulated militia to counter the nation's nuclear-capable military? Think the Second Amendment is more important than the right to live in a society where you do...

September 1, 2017

Pardon any typos. It was a long night.

Two days ago, Anna brought home a young, dirty, abandoned mutt. The dog was a stray, found somewhere in Virginia by a rescue organization called Paws for Miles. Through a friend at work, Anna learned that this female dog was to be euthanized if it was not adopted or fostered before the start of the Labor Day weekend.

D...

August 25, 2017

I’m sitting alone in an auto dealership, waiting for an oil change, tire rotation, and some sort of fuel injector check. Across the room, a crusty, fingerprint-ridden vending machine stands as a monument to Type 2 Diabetes. On the wall hangs a flat screen television, tuned to a daytime gameshow with deliriously energized contestants, ear-stabbing sound ef...

August 11, 2017

Fire and Fury! Locked and Loaded! Woohoo!

We have an atomic pissing match going on between two spoiled rich kids. Unfortunately for the world, those spoiled rich kids have their chubby little fingers on nuclear triggers.

So, as we await the outcome of the “my nukes are bigger than your nukes” squabble, let’s consider how nuclear annihilation could work out...

August 8, 2017

Take a good look, people. What do these whack jobs have in common?

  1. I-Do-My-Own-Hair Award Winner (Tied for First)

  2. Unusually shaped

  3. Lives in a fantasy world

  4. Has too many nukes at his disposal

  5. Can authorize the death of millions 

  6. Flippin' insane

Look, we all know you'd both get your asses kicked if you were ever out o...

July 18, 2017

I first saw him late on the night of December 17, 1977, in the middle of a historically cold and blizzard-prone Cincinnati winter, one that turned the Ohio River into walkably solid ice. It was pushing midnight when the lights came up on the Saturday Night Live stage as he counted down The Attractions to the first chords of Less Than Zero. I was an impres...

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