Look, nobody wants this. The last time the entirety of his face was exposed to full sunlight and elements was when George HW was in the White House and before we turned Iraq into a sand volleyball bar.
If this desperate photo looks at all familiar, you’re as old or older than Condron. If you have no clue what we’re up to, take a trip back to 1973 when National Lampoon Magazine put out one of the most effective covers in the history of poor taste and irreverent humor.
It’s a metaphor, folks. Desperation. Buy the magazine or we'll kill the dog. It worked. That's why we're using the same desperate tactic.
You see, we need you to join Condron's Heart Mini 5K Walk team this Sunday at noon to help raise money for the American Heart Association. Do it...or subject yourself and innocent others to the puffy upper lip and scarred chin that secretly hide behind his pathetic, graying clumps of facial manhood. Look, we’ll give you an easy out. Instead of walking the 5K, you can sleep in after a night of St. Patrick’s carousing, as long as you pull out your credit card and sponsor the effort. Either way, you’ll feel better about yourself and will help prevent the exposure of this horrifying, de-haired sight to the masses.
Our ransom demands…
Click this link to join Condron’s SecondTakes team this Sunday, March 18 for the Heart Mini 41 5k Heart Walk, beginning at noon. There’s simply no better way to attack a St. Patty’s hangover than walking with heavily breathing cardiac patients as they traverse up and down the steep hills of Columbia Parkway. And when you join, don’t forget to recruit other walkers and donors.
If you can’t make the walk (translation: anticipating cranial carnage at the hands of unknown quantities of Guinness), please consider sponsoring Condron’s 5K walk. You can make a donation by clicking here.
We’re not kidding, people. We’re desperate. What’s behind this hair is not for the faint of heart. (See what we did there?) Step up or we start cutting.